The Art of Self Reliance
“It has been the worst day of the month, she ditched me last week and now she isn’t receiving my call since morning. She’s too busy to give me time and too busy to even bother. Why doesn’t anyone care about what I’m going through? She is my best friend and she is not even there to listen to me. Why don’t I have someone who would help me out through this mess? Why don’t I have someone who’d solve problems for me?
Often these questions revolve around our mind especially when we are vulnerable and absorbed in emotions. But how often do we ask ourselves, “Why do I need someone all the time? Why am I reliant on my best friend? Why do people rely on her so much? How is she better at making decisions and I’m not?” Well, not very often because we are usually looking for shortcuts. Since birth, we have been tuned in a way to be dependent on others, first on our parents then teachers, friends, and so on. But as we grow up, a rare group of individuals turns into people who solely depend on themselves. They are one of us but how do they do that?
Here comes the art of “self-reliance.” Literally, it means to rely on one’s own efforts and abilities. But practically, there’s more to it. Developing self-reliance starts with accepting yourself for who you are and being confident with that, followed by your insight of goals and your determination on achieving them. When a person starts accepting himself, he grows stronger knowing his flaws and embracing his insecurities. He clearly knows what he wants to achieve as an individual first for himself and then for others. He considers the pros and cons of everything he does and analytically decides what he has to do. He, then, has the power to embrace the outcome of decisions he makes.
Next, one has to untie the emotional knot and this is where you stop relying on particular ‘things’ to make you happy. What do you usually do when you feel lonely? I suppose, you pick up your phone and search your contact list to either text or call a friend. You feel down and again, you pick up your phone, text someone about how you feel, and indulge in a conversation. If you really are doing all this, stop it right there and break the habit. These conversations might temporarily make you feel okay but, in the long run, they are making you dependent on others, and practically, people are not going to be there to listen to you all the time. So, what you should do is, keep your phone aside and go for a walk instead. Work out, meditate, read a book or involve yourself in some healthy activity such as brain games, etc. But, at that moment, avoid looking for people to cheer you up, even Television, I’d say because that doesn’t help either. Spend time with yourself and explore the treasures hidden in your soul.
Finally, once you know who you are, decide who you want to be and how will you be able to achieve that. Focus on that particular goal, challenge yourself and find solutions all on your own. Be your own lawyer, your own judge, and keep reminding yourself “I am self-sufficient! I can and I will achieve my goals on my own.”
It’s totally okay to feel vulnerable, down, and even tearing apart. It’s even completely fine, in fact, good to share thoughts that consume you with your loved ones. But, it’s not okay to be completely reliant on telling them each and everything all the time or to depend on what they decide. You need yourself the most and you are the one who’s going to be there for you till the very end. So, are you self-reliant? If not, I implore you to work on it and be a master of this art. If so, I’m proud of you and I know you are too.
